Nah! This ain’t for me.

Do you know what you want to do in your life? I for one have no clue what my calling in life is? And today was one of those days when the realization of this fact comes on the surface of your usually numb mind and starts startling you into spasms of incoherent ramblings. Let me take you back in the memory lane, when I was a kid I wanted to be an Olympics diver. I used to be in the pool for hours after school and would do all kind of crazy dives like forward somersault, backward somersault, Inverted dive, Half twist, back dive etc. Somehow at that point of time neither I pursued it with the level of sincerity it demanded nor was I clear of the way to do it. Then during school days I used to be a good elocuter and wanted to be a professional speaker. Again i was not at the right place at the right time. Then came college days and I started dabbling with six strings. Started singing as well. I used to shriek in the nights in the hostel lavatories coz I used to get good acoustic effects there. I used to stand in front of the eight huge mirrors with my guitar hanging by my neck. I started writing my own songs as well. I still recall my first songs were all about the war in Kashmir, prostitution, drugs and bad company. I really felt connected in a strange way. Won a couple of events in Northern India college fests. Again I goofed up and the band split. I did play alone for a while but then it stopped appealing to me. It just stopped giving me the rush. I just couldn’t do it anymore. Now I am working and I don't like the job. There's nothing wrong with the job but my expectations with myself are a little too steep. I envy and at the same time respect the people who have found their true calling in life. But I know its just one of those phases, which sends some ripples in your otherwise tranquil waters. I will again go numb and quite in my head, and I know that. But deep down inside I will delve into depths and will one day find that solitaire from the dark realms of my murky sea of mind. That solitaire is called TRUE CALLING. So those of you who have it, cherish it and those who don't, welcome aboard friends, you ain't alone.